Chapter 1: Ordinary World
1200/1500 words
Chapter
80%
We meet our protagonist in their everyday life, establishing their character, relationships, and the normal world before the adventure begins.
- Lyra works as an apprentice healer in her village
- She dreams of exploring beyond the mountains
- Establishes her close relationship with Dax
Lyra (Protagonist)
Dax (Friend)
Elder Mira (Mentor)
Suggestions & Consistency
Consistency
paragraph 3
Character name inconsistency: 'Dax' is referred to as 'Dex' in paragraph 3
"Change 'Dex' to 'Dax' to maintain character name consistency"
Style
paragraph 1
Consider adding more sensory details to the village description
"Add details about sounds, smells, or textures to make the setting more immersive"
Grammar
paragraph 5
Passive voice detected in dialogue
"Convert 'The herbs were gathered by Lyra' to 'Lyra gathered the herbs'"
Theme
paragraph 7
Opportunity to reinforce the 'yearning for adventure' theme
"Add a brief moment where Lyra gazes longingly at the mountains"